Being a small group leader in a children’s ministry is a high calling. Every minute you spend with your kids is vital. You have so little time with kids that you need to maximize each minute. Most small group leaders are very aware of that fact, but some fail to realize that large group time is also ministry time for them. The kids in their group are watching them, taking cues from them. Kids are learning from their leaders what it means to worship God and to value what is being taught in a corporate setting.
If you want to be an effective small group leader, don’t fall into these traps. If you do, you’ll miss out on valuable teaching time you may not be aware you even have.
Trap 1: Hang out in the workroom to plan your lesson during large group time.
I know, I know. Your week was crazy and you didn’t have a chance to read through your plans before you arrived so you chose to plan your lesson during large group time since your kids were “entertained” anyway.
While I empathize with you, I challenge you to adjust your schedule so you’re ready to lead your group before large group starts. When you’re not with your kids during large group time, you could be communicating a negative message to your kids that you don’t intend to communicate. They might conclude that what happens during large group time isn’t important because it’s not important enough for you to be there. Being prepared for small group is crucial, but it’s also important to be in large group so your kids see you valuing worship and the Word.
If you fall into this trap, plan ahead so you are ready to lead your group before you arrive on Sunday.
Trap 2: Chat with those around you during the Bible story.
You’ve heard the story before and already know how you’re going to tie it into your small group lesson. You’ve been needing to connect with another small group leader in the room about a kid in your group so you take this opportunity to scoot back a few feet and ask the other small group leader a question.
Please don’t. When leaders talk with others during the Bible story, they become a distraction to kids. They model inattentiveness and devalue what’s being taught. If you’re tempted to talk with others during large group time, remember that you’re making it difficult for kids to focus and you’re demonstrating that what’s being done or taught on stage isn’t very important.
Trap 3: Don’t sing or move during the worship time.
Your voice is horrible and you feel awkward moving around in church. You’d rather just stand still with your hands to your side and listen. After all, the worship time is really for the kids. You worship in the adult worship service.
If this sounds like you, I beg you to engage. Push yourself outside your comfort zone. Kids are looking to you for how to worship. They don’t know how to praise God through singing unless someone shows them. If they look around the room and see the adults disengaged, they’ll get the message that it’s not cool to engage. The older kids are especially self-conscious. They don’t want to do anything that might sacrifice their social standing. If small group leaders don’t actively participate in worship, the older kids won’t either. They are following our lead. Let’s lead them into Jesus’s presence and demonstrate what it looks like to have our hearts, voices and bodies focused on communicating to God how awesome He is.
Trap 4: Stand in the back of the room during large group time.
You’re not young anymore. Sitting on the floor is difficult. Besides, you’re sure your kids don’t think you’re very cool (you’re older than their mom!). You’re certain your kids wouldn’t want to sit by you anyway.
If the back of the room calls your name every week, tell it to shut up and go sit with your kids. If sitting on the floor is difficult, take a chair, sit on the outside edge of the room and gather your group around you.
Don’t believe the lie that you’re too old, too uncool, too ugly, or too grey for kids. Kids will love back anyone who loves them. Kids LOVE to be loved by adults of all ages and they want to know you want to be with them. Show them you love them enough to sit with them. They’ll love you back. As an added bonus, they’ll focus better in large group if you’re sitting with them.
Trap 5: Ignore kids in large group time who are yapping it up.
You hear them whispering. You see them giggling. You know they are distracting everyone around them, but they aren’t your kids. They aren’t your responsibility. Since you don’t know them, you fear they might be mad at you if you redirect their attention so you sit frustrated wondering why their leader won’t ask them to be quiet.
Avoid the notion that you are only responsible for the kids in your group. We’re all in this together. Our group goal is to help all kids (whether they’re in your group or someone else’s group) engage in worship and focus on the truth that is presented. It’s better for everyone if we all assume responsibility for all kids and lovingly guide those who need it. Be bold. Reach out your hand. Touch the distracting kids’ shoulders, smile at them and redirect their attention to the stage. In nearly every instance, it’s easy to redirect kids. You can sit right behind them, sit between them, gently touch their back, put your finger on your lips to ask them to be quiet. Just do it. Everyone will be glad you did, including the kids who are being distracting.
Your thoughts? Have you noticed other traps that are easy to fall into? How can leaders be role models for kids and “teach” kids even when they aren’t teaching? We’d love to hear what you think.
I couldn’t wait until next week to write again because I wanted to celebrate with you some things that happened last Sunday in our ministry. God is at work and it’s exciting!!
Last Sunday was fall kick-off Sunday at our church. It’s always a great day with a big party on the church lawn after our third worship service, complete with bison burgers, sno-cones, many inflatables, carnival games for younger kids, and a concert by our praise band.
It’s a big day in the life of our children’s ministry for several reasons.
- We offer our children’s program at both our 2nd and 3rd worship services instead of just our 2nd to make the day flow more smoothly for families and their visitors. It’s a lot of work but always fun to see how God fills the 3rd service.
- We have a lot of kids who visit our church that day.
- It’s a great day to hang out with kids and their parents.
- It’s an opportunity for some of our older grade school kids to get a chance to serve.
The day was perfect! The weather was gorgeous and families had a great time! Things wrapped up at about 3:00 and those of us who did the final cleaning were done in record time. After everyone else left, I hung out in the church parking lot waiting for Action Inflatables to come pick up their inflatables. As I waited, I was able to think back over the day and was overwhelmed with gratitude. I am so blessed to be able to serve God with such amazing, loving, talented people who are so committed to making our church a place where people can experience the love of God first hand!
I want to share a few of my “yea Gods” with you so you can celebrate with me:
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We have incredible leaders in our Sunday morning Discovery Unlimited and Waumba Land programs! Sunday was the busiest day we’ve had since Easter and it went off without a hitch. Every time I was in Discovery Zone, things were running so smoothly! The registration area was full of friendly greeters, kids were actively engaged in worship, the story was compelling, the media team did their job seamlessly, and the small group leaders were ready to lead and welcome many kids. Our early childhood area was well-staffed and kids and parents were left with a loving impression of their Heavenly Father.
I asked a few extra people in our church to help out on Sunday because we anticipated having more kids. When I e-mailed one of them to see how her day went, this was her reply:
“I loved it! What a great children’s ministry that you have! Awesome! Don’t be afraid to call me again!”
To all of you who have worked hard to make our children’s ministry so great, THANK YOU!!! YOU ROCK!
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We had so many visitors! I met two of them at the end of the kick-off as they were attempting to bursting huge water balloons above my head. They told me it was their first time to come to our church. They’re in the process of checking out churches and had a great time on Sunday. I’m thrilled that we had a team of loving, committed adults to provide them with an engaging program and relevant content. I pray they come back soon.
- Our kids did a fantastic job helping! I invited some older grade school kids to help out with our younger kids during our 3rd service. Wow! They were off-the-charts helpful! On Monday I received this e-mail message from one of the small group leaders:
Just wanted to share a few tidbits from Sunday.
Camden is AWESOME with 1st and 2nd graders. Very helpful during both large group activities. Jumped in, did what needed to be done, kept on task. During third service he was a one-on-one helper. He was SO considerate of his duties as a special needs helper that when he needed to sing on stage as a part of our praise team, he asked if I would sit with the boy he was helping.
Elizabeth (another 6th grader) came in to help me during third service. She was also awesome. Huge help. warmed my heart since she’s the one who said she was going to come back and help me in with our program some day. Jumped right in to help. Awesome with the 2nd graders.
I was thrilled to get this message, knowing that kids who have grown up in our church are grasping the concept of serving and are excited to be able to help. They are developing a life-long habit of serving God and putting others’ needs first.
I’m so grateful to God for His blessing on our church and thankful to all those who work so hard to provide kids in our community with a fun place were they can discover how amazing God is!
What about you? Where have you seen God at work lately? Share your “yea Gods” by leaving a comment below.
Last week I introduced a few tips for how keep energetic kids engaged in your small group. Since this is such an important topic and since there are so many great ideas, I’m continuing with that topic this week.
One of the best ways to keep energetic kids engaged in your small group is to give them a job to do. You could ask them to pass out papers, collect the pencils, throw away the trash, put the Bibles away, or any number of other things. By offering them an opportunity to be your helper, they get an opportunity to burn off extra energy they have in a valuable way. They get positive strokes for helping and feel like they are able to contribute to the group in meaningful ways.
Years ago when I was helping with the Kindergarten group in our church, I used this technique with an energetic, unfocused boy in my group. He became my assistant every week. He started showing up early to help me set up the tables and he stayed late to clean up. As he grew up, he would always save a spot for me next to him during the singing time of our Wednesday night program. We looked forward to connecting each Wednesday, even for just a few minutes.
When he was in 7th grade, I became our youth director. He was right there beside me, volunteering to help me. He joined our leadership team and was the first person to arrive for every meeting and the last person to leave. Our youth group grew and many teens came to know Jesus, largely because he invited his friends. He loved church and was extremely invested in the youth group. I trace his involvement in our youth ministry back to the opportunities he had to help in Kindergarten.
You never know what God has planned for the energetic kids in your group. Give them a chance to serve and then step back and watch what God does. In twenty years, they just might be involved in ministry and cite you as their inspiration!
Diana has been asked to lead a small group of kids at her church. She’s excited about this prospect and works hard to prepare for her first lesson. She loves kids and has always wanted to get involved in children’s ministry.
Within minutes after she arrives, Diana notices that one of the boys in her group is more energetic than the rest and has a hard time staying focused. He’s similar to the little boy in this video:
If she lines the kids up, he quickly moves out of line. If she has the kids sit in a circle, in no time, he’s wiggling around on the floor . If she has the kids recite their verse together, he’s very loud and not in sync with the rest of the group. When she gives the kids a chance to color, he breaks the crayons in half instead of coloring.
An hour later, Diana leaves church exhausted and wonders if anyone got anything out of her well thought-out lesson. She isn’t quite sure what to do, but she knows she’s got to come up with a plan before next Sunday.
Learning to manage kids who have trouble focusing in small group environments is extremely important. The percentage of kids in our culture who have trouble focusing is large enough that nearly every small group is bound to have at least one child who brings an abundance of energy to the group.
Since experience is the best teacher, I’ve asked several seasoned children’s leaders for suggestions on how to help energetic kids stay focused during small group time. I’ll share three of them this week and more next week.
1. Embrace opportunities to work with kids who challenge you.
Leslie, one of the small group leaders at our church and the mother of a special needs child, wrote,
“I just remember thinking to myself, quite often, that my son’s teachers just wanted him out of there because he’s different. I was a little sensitive but I know that’s the way the human mind works, to weed out the difficulties so things will be easier. So try to keep away the mindset that it would be so much easier to run this group if so and so weren’t here.
We need to be reminded that the Bible says that God will give us challenges, not as a test, but as a character builder for our lives. It’s not always easy to handle these kids, but it’s obviously God’s will that they be with us for the short time that we are entrusted with them.”
Children’s ministry leaders need to embrace opportunities to work with kids who are a bit more challenging because those kids need to experience the love of God in tangible ways. Additionally, as we accept opportunities to lead all types of children, our leadership skill set will improve and our character will be built. What seems difficult today may not seem difficult in six months if we accept opportunities to grow.
2. Stay focused on the positive.
Kids who struggle to focus are aware of the fact that they challenge adults and, because of this, they often feel unwanted. They need to sense from you that they are loved and accepted.
If you frequently say things like “Stop that” or “Don’t do that,” they’ll sense that you’d prefer they weren’t in your group.
Instead of focusing on their negative actions, you can redirect their behavior in a way that shows them you really care about them and are glad they’re in your group. For example, if a child is breaking crayons, instead of saying, “Billy, don’t do that,” you could say, “Billy, can you please hand me a crayon so I can write draw the verse for everyone?” This takes the focus off the behavior you want to curb, redirects the child’s attention to the lesson and sends the message to the child that he has something valuable to contribute to the group.
3. Adapt activities to include additional movement.
It’s possible that the kids who are struggling to stay focused in your group have a disorder, like Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). ADHD is caused by a lack of chemical stimulation to the brain so children with ADHD compensate by creating other stimulation, like constantly moving or making noises.
By adapting your activities to include more movement, you will reduce the need for these children to create stimulation on their own. For example, instead of just having kids verbally recite a verse, you could have the kids get in a single-file line and march around the room shouting out a word of the verse with each step. Getting them involved both verbally and physically will help them stay focused and also increase the likelihood that they will remember what you are trying to teach them.
5th Grade boys spelling out LOVEThis is a perfect example of getting kids physically involved in the lesson. Instead of just having kids talk about love, the leaders had them spell out the virtue with their bodies first. It was a fun, physical way to introduce a topic in small group.
As you prepare lessons, look for ways to add movement into each activity.
Thank you Leslie, Dawn, Linda, Louise, Rowley and Cindy for sharing your ideas and Steve and Vicki for sharing your LOVE pic! What about you? What are some ways you help energetic kids stay engaged during group time?
Wow! A new year of ministry has just begun! What an exciting and busy time for all of us who are involved in helping kids find and follow Jesus. I always approach the new year with a high level of anticipation because I know new kids will come to church, which means more kids will get to learn how awesome God is. With each passing year, I also love to watch kids grow in their understanding of who God is and how they can know Him better and love Him more.
For those of us who are responsible for preparing lessons, Bible stories, worship sets, craft activities, games or other activities for kids, it’s tempting to think the success of our ministry is solely dependent on our ability to prepare and execute well. Being prepared IS vital, but it’s not the most important way to ensure success.
If you are desperate for God to use you to influence kids this year, the first step toward being effective is to pray.
Why should I pray?
We should bathe our ministry in prayer because “The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” James 5:16 (NLT).
Make sure to keep your priorities in the right order.
- Prep without prayer is pointless.
- Prayer without prep is laziness.
- Prep bathed in prayer is powerful.
When should I pray?
If you want God to work powerfully through you this year, pray regularly for your ministry. Connecting this prayer time with something else you already do is one way to ensure consistency. You might want to choose one of these activities and commit to praying for your ministry then.
Pray while you are:
- brushing your teeth
- shaving
- taking a shower
- waiting at stop lights
- driving to or from school or work
- doing the dishes
- folding laundry
- exercising
What should I pray for?
If, after 30 seconds, you’ve exhausted all your prayer topics and you aren’t quite sure what to say next, take a look at my previous post on prayer. This is in no way an exhaustive list, but it’s a great start.
Jesus encourages us to be persistent in our prayer, so go ahead. Knock on heaven’s door. And then, knock some more. And some more. And more.
I strongly believe that positive life change happens in loving relationships. Therefore, if we want kids’ lives to be changed as a result of attending church, we need to create environments in which they can be in loving relationships. This is why small groups with consistent kids and leaders are so important. When kids develop relationships other kids and adults at church and feel loved and accepted, they are able to open their hearts and minds to what God wants to teach them.
An important question for small group leaders to ask is “How do I know the kids in my group feel loved?” If you can identify those signs, you’ll know you’re on the right track towards being a catalyst for change in the lives of kids. If, on the other hand, you realize your kids don’t exhibit behaviors like those listed here, it may be time to beef up your love factor.
My top 10 list for ways to know kids feel loved:
10. They smile when they see you.
9. They relax when you are near.
8. They run toward you to give you a big hug.
7. They look you in the eye when you’re talking to them.
6. They jockey for position just to sit next to you.
5. They do what you ask them to do.
4. They come back to church when you send them an “I’ve miss you” postcard.
3. They chit-chat with you as they are waiting for their parents to pick them up.
2. They draw pictures for you.
And the #1 way you know kids feel loved is…
1. They bake you a delicious cookie!
What about you? How do you know kids in your small group feel loved? Just click the comments link below and tell us what you think.
(photo by roboppy)
Have you ever led one of those small groups that you felt was a total waste of time? Every once in a while I have one of those days. It seems like no matter what I do or how hard I try, the kids have a hard time focusing.
If you have ever felt like that, this tip is for you. Perhaps the solution to your problem is simpler than you think. It could be that all you need to do is remove distractions from your small group area so kids are able to focus better.
Several weeks ago I introduced the concept of honor by giving each 2nd grader in my group an inflated balloon early in the small group time. I had the kids draw the face of someone they wanted to honor on the balloon. Then, I had them all toss their balloons in the air and try to keep them off the ground. This was designed to illustrate how honoring someone is like “lifting them up.”
After the kids had batted their balloons for about fifteen seconds, their energy increased. With each bat, they jumped up a bit more. I could tell that in about five more seconds, mayhem was going to break loose if I didn’t collect the balloons. If that happened, I’d never be able to recapture the kids attention.
My mind quickly shifted into problem-solving mode. I grabbed the black trash bag in which I had originally stored the inflated balloons. I quickly held it up and caught the first balloon I saw. Then, I captured a second and a third. Once I assured the kids that they could have their balloons back after our group was over, they were eager to bat the balloons toward the bag. I encouraged them to toss their balloons up and see if I could catch them. I made my capturing of the balloons a fun activity for them.
Once I had all the balloons stored securely in the bag, I was able to transition to the next activity without any distractions. Capturing the balloons was the most important thing I did that morning. Had I allowed the kids to keep their newly-created toys during the group, they wouldn’t have paid attention to the rest of the lesson.
There are certain distractions that have a way of showing up repeatedly during small groups. Here are a few and how to remove them.
Supplies (The #1 culprit)
- Wait until kids need supplies (including Bibles) before you distribute them.
- Collect supplies as soon as the kids are done with them.
Kids’ personal items
- Kindly ask for them. Assure the children you’ll return their belongings after small group time.
- If you make it a practice to collect personal items at the beginning of small group time, kids will become used to that and may even stop bringing them.
Noise or movement in the hall
- Close the door.
- Have the kids sit with their back to the door.
Noise or movement in the rest of the room
- Position yourself with your back to the wall (instead of to the center of the room.) This way kids won’t be visually distracted by other things that may be happening in the center of the room.
- Don’t allow yourself to get distracted. If you do, the kids certainly will.
You may not be able to eliminate every distraction, but if you take these precautions, you can eliminate the majority of distractions very easily and increase the likelihood that the kids in your group will leave with a better understanding of the point you were trying to communicate to them.
Have a great group this week!
(photo by Andre Maceira)
In my last post, I wrote about the value of having kids sit in a tight circle to increase involvement and focus. Another extremely helpful tactic for keeping kids engaged during small group time is to call each child by name several times during your time with them.
For example, a couple weeks ago, we did an activity that illustrated honor. I called on two kids by name and asked them to sit in the middle of the circle. While they were sitting there, we all said our memory verse together. “Love one another deeply. Honor others more than yourselves” Romans 12:10. Then, after we had all said the verse, I offered each child in the center of the circle a small treat by saying something like, “Rebekah, thank you for sitting in our seat of honor. You may have a cookie.” Each child felt honored and each child sat patiently while we honored his or her peers.
Two weeks ago, I invited each child to take an object from the center of the circle. I called on them individually by name so they each took a turn getting their object. A few children wanted to rush ahead of their turn, but it was very easy to say, “It’s Sarah’s turn now. I’ll call on you when it’s your turn.” They responded very well to this.
Since I’ve been making a concerted effort to call on every child by name several times during our small group, I’ve noticed a few changes in the kids.
- Kids stay focused, eagerly waiting for their name to be called.
- Kids are more patient because they know they will each get a chance to participate.
- Kids are more respectful of each other because they see that everyone has equal value in the group.
- The quieter kids have started participating more, offering their ideas at other times as well.
There’s power in a name. I encourage you to tap into that power by calling all your kids by name during small group time. Have a great small group this week!
These past few weeks, I’ve had about 14 second graders in my “small group.” As I mentioned in an earlier post, 14 kids is more like a class than a group so I need to be very intentional about helping them stay focused.
My main tactic for keeping my group on task is to have them get in a circle, hold hands, take a step forward and then sit down. This creates a fairly tight circle with very little space between each kid and we can do activities in the center of the circle. This circle has been wonderful for keeping this many kids engaged.
I sit in the circle also and have all the supplies I need right behind me. This allows me to move easily from one activity to the next without leaving the circle.
Every once in a while, after an activity or two, a child will end up sitting more towards the middle of the circle. It’s very easy to redirect that child by saying, “Tyler, please sit back in the circle.” If the entire group has gotten out of the circle because they’ve moved around during an activity, it’s very easy to have them stand up, hold hands, take a small step forward and sit down again.
I’m loving my circle! If you’re having trouble getting your kids to sit still, you might want to try having them sit in a circle on the floor. It’s worked amazingly well for me!
For the past month, I’ve been leading the small group of new 2nd graders on Sunday mornings. It’s called a small group, but it hasn’t actually been small. Several Sundays there have been 14 kids in the group and fall isn’t even here yet.
When summer vacations are over, I fully anticipate the number of 2nd graders on any given Sunday to be 20 or more. That’s a class, not a small group.
While I’m becoming rather attached to all the kids in the group, the experience of leading this group of kids has increased my commitment to keeping our groups small on Sunday mornings. With small groups,
- kids get more opportunities to talk and kids learn when they talk.
- kids are more likely to pray
- kids are more focused because they don’t have to wait as long while other kids talk or finish their work.
- it’s easier to draw out quieter kids.
- it’s easier to really get to know kids.
- disruptive behavior is minimized.
As we gear up for fall, join me in the commitment to keep our Sunday morning groups small by
- telling your friends how much you enjoy being a small group leader and/or assistant and asking them to do it, too, and
- praying for God to send us more leaders and assistants.