Many years ago I was at a crossroad in my life, trying to figure out where I really fit in at church. I had been involved in our Wednesday night children’s program for years and then transitioned to teaching an adult class on Sunday mornings. After doing that for a while, I took a break from ministry. Life was busy, the kids were growing up, my husband was very involved in Sunday ministry, I was working a fulltime job and it was hard for me to keep up with everything.
As time went by, though, I found myself more and more “lost” in our church. I didn’t feel connected and I had plateaued spiritually. My wise and loving husband sat me down and pointed out to me that I had started feeling this way after I had stepped out of ministry. He reminded me that God had wired me to serve Him and others and when I wasn’t doing that, I was bound to feel lost, unenergized and spiritually empty. He was right.
Last week I received a “farewell” e-mail from Liesel, one of our sixth grade small group leaders. Liesel volunteered to help with our sixth grade girls this summer and she also went so summer camp as a cabin leader. After a brief year in Lawrence, she is now heading back to Alaska for college.
Her e-mail reiterates what my husband told me years ago. With her permission I’m including it.
I’ve really enjoyed working with the 6th graders and the rest of the SS teachers! Thanks so much for letting me. I’ve already found my faith being more solid since I’ve worked with the girls and helped at camp! I once saw a quote in one of my ed classes that said “to teach is to learn twice” and it’s true! I’ve learned more about God and myself and my relationship with God since the beginning of the summer, it’s incredible!
I’m grateful to God that Liesel is heading back to college with a renewed interest in pursuing God and with joy in her heart. I love it that God changes our hearts as we serve others! How cool is that!
Yesterday was the first week of a new virtue in our Sunday morning children’s program. One of my favorite parts of small group was helping the 2nd graders find their new Bible verse. I loved seeing the excitement in their faces when they found the verse and hearing them exclaim, “I found it! Can I read it to you?”
It’s not hard for kids to learn to find verses if you walk them through this process:
- Find the book listed in the Table of Contents.
- Identify the page number the book is on.
- Locate the book in the Bible by looking for the page number.
- Turn to the correct chapter.
- Scan through the chapter to find the correct verse.
They LOVE it when they find the right verse. It’s a huge accomplishment for them!
Having younger kids look up the same verse every week for a month is extremely helpful. Kids who are just learning to use their Bibles can really benefit from going through these steps repeatedly. Unlike us, they don’t get tired of it or think to themselves, “We’ve already done this before!” Each week they feel a new sense of accomplishment.
The great thing is that each time they successfully find the verse (even if they’ve found it several times before), they are learning how to navigate the Bible and are feeling good about their newly acquired skills.
I encourage you to have the kids in your group look up at least one verse Bible every week during small group time. If they actually use their Bibles, even for only a minute or two, every time they come to church, by the end of elementary school, they’ll know their way around.
Be sure to keep some extra Bibles on hand for kids who don’t bring one and be sure to use a translation that’s easy for kids to understand. I strongly recommend New International Reader’s Version for younger kids.
There are many things small group leaders can try to do well, but we need to know what the ultimate “win,” or “mark of success,” is so we can continue to strive toward that.
For small group leaders, the “win” is changed lives. Small group leaders are the people who get to be on the front lines of ministry, helping kids understand how Biblical principles relate to their lives, helping them internalize Scripture, and teaching them spiritual disciplines like how to pray.
You know you are making headway in your ministry when…
- kids become more comfortable praying aloud and do it more frequently
- kids tell you about prayers they pray when they aren’t in church
- kids memorize verses and understand how to apply them to their lives
- kids make practical applications of the Biblical principles you are discussing
- kids tell you how they applied the previous week’s lesson or how they have made a wise choice during the week
- kids begin to treat others with more respect
- kids demonstrate an increased level of faith in Christ as they discuss difficult situations they (or others in your group) face. When their response to these situations is to pray, they are demonstrating faith.
Some ways to promote life change (apart from prayer)
- Tell kids how God is answering your prayers so they can see that God really does hear and respond to us.
- Ask kids how God is answering their prayers. Be sure to have kids thank God for His answers.
- Encourage kids to pray when they face difficult situations.
- As kids learn the monthly verse, make sure they understand what it means and how it applies to their lives. Learning Bible verses isn’t enough. The need to understand how God’s Word can change their lives.
- Make sure each kid leaves small group with one concrete way to apply the lesson.
- Use prayer time to have each child ask for God’s help to apply the lesson.
- Ask kids from week to week how they applied last week’s lesson.
- Share your experiences of applying Scripture to your life.
- Encourage kids to treat others with respect (listen when others are talking, use kind words, offer to help others, etc.)
Each week keep an eye out for any evidence that God is at work in the lives of your kids and celebrate that!
Have a great small group this week!
Last Sunday I had the privilege of leading the first grade small group in DU. It wasn’t actually a small group; the kids filled two round tables (a topic for a future post.)
It had been more than a decade since I’d led a group of kids that age and I truly enjoyed being with them.
When it came time for kids to talk about how they could apply the virtue, I stayed at one of the tables so I could have a more in-depth conversation with the kids. The analogy of self-control being like the walls of a city was a bit challenging for them, but the kids began to grasp the idea that when they use kind words, their lives will go better and when they use mean words, they’ll bring problems on themselves. We talked about how showing gratitude is one way to use kind words.
We ended up with extra time, so I encouraged the kids to draw a picture of someone they could thank this week as a way to show self control with their words.
As the parents started picking up their children, one little girl came over to me and showed me her picture. This was a girl who had been disagreeable at the beginning of group time. As she held up her picture, she had a big smile on her face.
“That’s a great picture! Who’s it of?” I asked her.
“Jesus,” she replied.
“What are you going to thank Jesus for?”
“For letting me live.”
Then, she bowed her head in the middle of the room as parents were picking up their kids and prayed. “Thank you, Jesus, for letting me live.”
Wow! What a great morning! This little girl, who seemed contrary at first, was really listening and learning to appreciate Jesus. That’s what we’re after – helping kids (even those who don’t seem very engaged) understand that Jesus loves them and cares for them.
Rest assured that as you love kids and respond to them positively, even when they seem disengaged or contrary, God is working in their hearts, drawing them to Himself.
photo by LaRezistance
Once or twice a year, I get the privilege of preaching in our church. Since I don’t get to do that very often, I don’t get many opportunities to refine my public speaking. A couple years ago, I decided I’d better read some books to figure out how to deliver a message that is memorable.
I came across a book titled Communicating For a Change by Andy Stanley and loved it. One of the points he makes in this book is be careful at the curves.
What he means is this:
When you are making a transition, make sure you are taking your listeners with you through that transition. Don’t lose them.
Public speakers have a tendency to lose their audience by moving too quickly through transitions, so Stanley’s advice to them is “slow down at the curves.”
As I’ve observed children’s small group leaders, what I’ve realized is that they often lose their kids during transition times because they slow down too much. If a leader is unprepared, she often stops after one activity to read the next one and then figure out what to say to the kids. While she’s quietly reading the plans, the kids’ get fidgety. They might begin to talk with each other, poke each other, giggle, and throw things . If the leader is really slow about engaging kids in the next activity, mayhem can break out.
As a small group leader, one of the most effective ways for you to prepare for your time with kids is to pre-script your transitions. Write them out word for word. Be very clear (yet concise) about what you want kids to do and why. Don’t say too little. Don’t ramble on and on.
You might think this is too time consuming, but I assure you, it works. If you know exactly what you want your kids to do next and you can verbally move them from one activity to the next without pausing to think about what to say, you’ll hold kids’ attention and they’ll stick with you.
Pause now and think about your small group. Do you tend to lose kids at the curves? Do they start talking to each other between activities? Do you struggle to get their attention whenever it’s time to shift gears in your group?
If this describes your group, I encourage you to take the extra 10 minutes to script out your transitions. In one week, you’ll notice a difference. Your ten minute sacrifice will result in more focused class time, which will result in more time for kids to learn how to apply God’s truths, to pray, to learn Bible verses and to make meaningful friendships. Your weekly ten minute sacrifices will make an eternal difference in the lives of your kids.
A couple weeks ago on a Sunday morning a family entered the church through the office door. This is a family that attends our church but comes more “off” than “on.” The kids were a bit tentative about being here but they were here – YEA! As they left the office, I overheard the mom say to the kids, “Come on, kids; let’s go find a seat.” She hesitated as she walked down the hall toward the sanctuary and came back to my office with a question. “Is our daughter’s small group leader here today? She’s gotten two ‘I miss you’ cards from her and has been asking to come to church to see her. There aren’t many girls in her small group and she really loved it that the leader asked her to come be another girl with her in the group.”
Kids LOVE to hear that they have been missed! They LOVE to be noticed. They LOVE to know that you care about them – not as a group, but as a person. This little girl loved getting cards from her leader and really believed that SHE was missed.
Our goal is not to have kids come to church so our numbers are big. Our desire is to have kids come to church because we LOVE each of them and we’d LOVE for each of them to experience God’s love and presence in their lives.
I encourage you to write or call the kids you haven’t seen in a few weeks and let them know they are missed. When you do that, make your message personal. Whatever it is that you miss specifically about that child, let him or her know that. You could write things like:
- I miss YOU.
- I miss YOUR smiling face.
- I miss hearing YOU pray.
- I miss that way YOU help me pick up after small group.
Let’s let our kids know they are loved and missed when they are gone. There will be postcards in your mailboxes for kids who haven’t been here in a few weeks. If they don’t come on Sunday, please send them an “I miss you” card. If they come on Sunday, please send them an “It was great to see you on Sunday” card. They will cherish the cards and/or calls and will want to keep coming back. Thank you so much for loving kids to Jesus!
One of the best ways to help your kids focus during small group time is to make sure they are sitting next to people who won’t distract them. As the leader of a small group, you not only have the authority to ask your kids to sit in specific places, but you have the responsibility to do that. If you allow certain kids to sit next to each other, not only do those kids distract each other, but they also rob everyone else in the group of valuable learning time.
Before you come to church this Sunday, take a minute to think about the dynamics of your group. Which kids feed off each other? Which kids need to be physically separate from each other? Which kids would benefit from sitting right next to you so you can provide extra guidance and support for them? Which kids can you count on to help others find Bible verses or encourage those who are struggling?
You may not get the arrangement right the first time, but having a plan in a place to start. Experiment with the order until you’ve come upon a plan that minimizes distractions and maximizing learning time. And, remember that kids only come on the average half the time, so whatever plan you come up with won’t be perfectly implemented, but it will get you thinking about who should (or shouldn’t) sit next to whom.
As a reward for keeping focused on learning while sitting in their new spots, kids could be allowed to sit next to their friends for the last few minutes of group time while they are waiting on their parents.
One of the best learning strategies out there is that people learn better through short, repeated practices than through massed practice (in one long session). This is why teachers encourage students to review a little each night instead of cramming for tests. It’s why athletes practice nearly every day instead of doing all their practice on one or two days a week. And it’s why our Discovery Unlimited curriculum camps out on one virtue and one verse each month.
As a small group leader, you may be wondering how this applies to you and the kids you lead. Here are a few ways:
- Include a Bible memory activity each week instead of spending 15 minutes one week of the month on Bible memory. Kids will learn the verse better if they review it each week.
- Provide prayer time each week for kids and encourage them to pray aloud, even if it’s just one sentence. The act of praying a bit each week will teach them to pray more confidently than if you try to get them to pray a longer pray once a month.
- Have them open their Bibles, even if it’s just to one verse, regularly. The more they use a Bible and the Table of Contents, the easier it will become. Don’t think that they can wait until they are older and learn to navigate the word of God.
- Repetition is an aid to learning; it’s not a hindrance. The fact that kids have four weeks to learn a virtue and a verse doesn’t mean that what we are doing is “watered down;” it means that we are teaching toward mastery. If we hopped from topic to topic each week, kids would have much less of a chance of learning anything. The repetition enhances their ability to learn so…
Capitalize on opportunities to have kids repeat. Provide them with short opportunities to practice spiritual disciplines (like prayer, Bible memory, finding verses in the Bible and service over and over). This approach will change their lives!
The foundational components of our Sunday morning program for kids are (1) relevant, engaging Biblical content and (2) loving community. Kids face all kids of challenges in life – broken homes, financial uncertainty, and social pressure, to name of few. Security is a foreign concept to many kids.
Our dream is to create an environment where every child is treasured and valued, where every child is known and has the opportunity to know others, where every child is loved and has the opportunity to love others. That’s where you come in.
As small group leaders, you are the glue that holds your small group together. Community doesn’t just happen. You can facilitate community for your group by implementing a few ideas. I have already mentioned some of these in previous tips, but they warrant repeating because they are so important. (This list isn’t exhaustive, but it’s a great start.)
Ways to build community:
- Know your kids. Make it your goal to find out something new about each kid each week in your group. Start taking notes if you have trouble remembering what kids tell you.
- Ask follow-up questions about kids’ lives. Once you find out what their hobbies are, ask about them from time to time. Once you find out if they are in any performances or games (music, drama, sports), ask how they did. Take a personal interest in each kid.
- Take advantage of free time. Be in your room at least 15 minutes before your program starts to spend unstructured time with your kids. This is a great time to get to know them.
- Establish rules of respect in the group so that when one person is talking, everyone else is listening.
- Encourage kids to pray for one another. One way to do this is to have every one write something they want prayer for on a slip of paper and then trade papers or put them in the center of the circle and everyone draws one out. Have them pray aloud for the person whose paper they go.
- Send your kids a postcard or note each month or whenever they miss or whenever they do something really great in small group. Getting a sincere note from a small group leader means more than you can imagine to a kid! A more communal idea is to write cards as a group to kids who have been gone for a couple weeks.
- Address the kids by name each week. Using someone’s name speaks volumes!
- Pray for your kids each week.
These are just a few ways you can facilitate community in your group. There are a ton of other ways. I encourage you share your ideas in the reply box below.
Praying for your small group may not sound like a very insightful tip, but it is actually the best advice I can give.
Four reasons it’s so important to pray for your small group:
- Prayer reminds you that you are utterly dependent on God.
None of us, in our own strength, can change kids’ lives. Only God can do that. By constantly asking God for help, you remind yourself each week that this is God’s ministry and you are His tool. - Prayer puts you in the right frame of mind each time you meet kids.
Sundays can be hectic so we need to start the morning by focusing on God. Ask God to use you to show His love to kids. We often miss great opportunities to help kids see how amazing God is because we haven’t prayed and asked God to love kids through us. - Prayer endears the kids to you.
When you pray for a child in your group by name and ask God to deepen your love for that child, God will give you a desire to know that child better and love him or her more. - Prayer increases your passion for ministry.
Ministry has its ups and downs. It’s not always easy; it’s not always fun. However, as you pray for the kids in your group and pray for God’s help to lead well, God will strengthen your heart in the challenging times and increase your desire to make a difference in the lives of kids.
A few things to include in your prayers:
- Thank God for…
- each kid in your group
- the opportunity to lead your group
- His help and strength
- Pray for each child in your group
- that they will understand God’s love more and more
- that they will make wise choices, treat others the way they want to be treated and trust God no matter what
- any particular concerns you are aware of
- Pray for yourself
- that God will give you love, patience and wisdom as you lead your group
- that God will help you become an even better small group leader for the kids in your group
- that God will use you to impact kids for eternity
Each Sunday dedicate the morning to God and ask Him to use it to draw kids to Himself. If you forget to pray for the kids in your group and your time with them, you are missing out on the best help you’ll ever get.